Stop Trying To Be That Girl
I know that if you’ve been on any of the major social media platforms in the last year or two you’ve probably seen the That Girl or Clean Girl trend rise and fall.
I think in the very beginning of its conception and circulation it was simply the display of someone being their idea of their best self - and an encouragement to discover your own best self.
Sierra
If you haven’t seen this trend yet, it’s basically the 2020s remix version of the Girl Boss we are all quite familiar with. That Girl has her shit together. That Girl is gorgeous and successful in anything she does. That Girl has everything that we have deemed worthy of love and acceptance and admiration. Who wouldn’t want to be That Girl?
Don't get me wrong, I love a ‘living your best life and being your best self’ mindset. I would consider myself fairly healthy and attempting to be a well-adjusted woman. I can’t help but point out the very obviously harmful and materialistic structure of this current lifestyle trend.
To most people, health equates to someone who eats well, is active physically, is productive, and prioritizes their well-being (such as maintaining mental health, or skincare for example.) I feel like this is a healthy and mostly manageable expectation of health. It’s when it becomes a toxic and unattainable expectation that it goes sour.
The Toxicity of the Trendy That Girl
The viral That Girl trend that is seen on TikTok and Instagram has snowballed into an avalanche of toxic eating habits, expensive and selective products that claim to release That Girl from deep within you, and an extremely unrealistic daily routine that can become another thing hurting you, rather than helping you. That Girl is always seen with her Matcha, her 5-minute journal, her 20-step skincare, and matching nails, fit, jewelry, and makeup. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with any of these things. You do you.
But the fact that this is ALL you see in regards to this trend (which is really not a trend if it’s something you do for life) speaks volumes about what is expected and contributes to the spiral of despair that most people can’t be That Girl.
We already know that diverse representation is essential for realistic depictions of the various walks of life. By that I mean: students, parents, and hustlers in the office or from their home office. Healthy foods (and indulgences) of all kinds and in the appropriate amounts too. People that are physically active in any way, not just the ones who do hot yoga and pilates. Actually doing healthcare maintenance, such as therapy, shadow work, self-accountability, not just writing/thinking basically the same things regurgitated every day over and over. Having an understanding of healthy and realistic bodies - such as real skin with pigmentation, stretch marks, acne scars, body hairs, or texture. Even the idea of teeth being perfectly straight and whitened to blinding capacity.
The idea of being a healthy person has been twisted to such a small and unhealthy standard on these circulating videos and how-tos, that anybody would be overwhelmed with the expectation.
I feel like the That Girl trend should be relabeled as the Trendy Girl, which is honestly ever-changing along with what is deemed popular on current apps.
Sierra
I feel like we’ve actually already seen this trend so so many times, it just keeps rebranding and coming back to capitalize on the products pushed to teenage girls or people that they’ve beaten insecurity into and don’t realize these surface-level things don’t actually equate to real health.
Actual health is seen as personally focused work, and if you focus on yourself and not what is trendy then they are no longer profiting off your desire to simply apply a product and be deemed healthy.
“Oh, she uses Drunk Elephant? She must have great skin.”
“Oh, they go to the store every day to get only vegan/organic ingredients? They must be so fit.”
The Privilege Of The Trendy That Girl
I’m not knocking either of these things, but plenty of unhealthy people can afford to personify each new trend as it pops up and forever be seen as the right kind of person simply because of this capability or privilege.
The That Girl that is popular on TikTok and Reels and Shorts is always seen working from home, waking up at 5 - 7am, working out or doing yoga for two hours everyday, cooking every single meal fresh, and never straying from her ‘healthy diet’ of juices, smoothies, yogurts, salads, and diet teas.
The fact is a lot of people don’t have the ability to live in this daily routine that encapsulates That Girl.
For people with kids, or classes, or a daily job they have to report to, or those without the ability to afford gym memberships, or pricey skincare products, and the latest brand names on the influencers and celebrities, the standard of That Girl that is being set is just an illusion.
And then for those that do buy into the advertising of these products and find themselves still not meeting up to That Girl, they are left feeling rejected and unworthy from not meeting what this trendy idea of health or attractiveness looks like.
If you look it up on Youtube, a few videos will come up with people trying and failing to emulate this That Girl that is shown on a 30-second or 1-minute long, aesthetically edited video.
It’s so sad that we’re so desperate for anything to make us seem more attractive, more confident, more acceptable, more of what we may or may not even really be based on the content we choose to consume.
The Reality of Trying To Be Healthy
Firstly, understand that I enjoy and advocate for being healthy by whatever that means to me and I practice what I believe to be important to me in my personal growth as well.
I find that not trying to aspire to everything that is constantly presented to you in popularity, but actually aspiring to be happy from your level of health, is what That Girl possibly started off as, but it became a new market for the exact thing it seems to advocate from.
Your health shouldn’t hinder or harm you. It’s different for everyone, as we all need different things and are living different lives. Our plans, our daily needs and wants, meals, workouts, and self management work should reflect ourselves, needs and how we can improve them.
I think in the very beginning of its conception and circulation it was simply the display of someone being their idea of their best self, and an encouragement to find your own best self.
I try to eat a mostly healthy and balanced variety of foods.
(Notice I don’t say diet here. I am firmly against dieting and the diet culture as rigorous dieting actually does the opposite of whatever results you're looking for. Dieting is much harder on your physical state, not to mention the effects on your mental state as well. As someone with a recovered ED, the processes of dieting and fasting have proven to work against the ideal health goal for me for the majority of my life.)
I eat a lot, and often, I snack quite frequently throughout the day to ensure I’m meeting the proper amount of calories to keep a functioning human being energized - which is around 2000 calories a day. I used to be a vegetarian for a few years when I was younger but actually found a mixed omnivore diet is the best for my digestive composition and allergies. I’ve found that all the food groups are essential for me to feel and look my best.
The biggest thing is eating what I need to eat, and not copying the trendy diets or eating habits that you see posted online. While they may have the results you’re attempting to obtain, everyone has a different physical composition and daily routine or health concerns that affect them or you differently - not to mention that you don’t see all the complex sides of it from social media. Too many videos are portraying unhealthy, dangerous even, habits of eating. They are very much reminding me of the diet pages I used to obsess over in magazines and tabloids in the early 2000s.
I had no idea that this false display of health was actually more harmful to me that any unhealthy food I may eat.
As an artist, one thing we learn almost immediately is: to appreciate and take inspiration but create your own version of art/beauty/life. You don’t plagiarize someone else’s work, so why would you attempt to plagiarize their life?
On the same side as physical health is my mental well-being. While mentality and spirituality are not necessarily physical things, they do affect you physically or present physical symptoms when out of care.
I know we’ve all seen the journals for self-reflection promoted on these That Girl videos. And while you don’t need this exact journal or system for self-reflection and growth, you do need this particular act of self-care and maintenance.
I am the biggest advocate for checking in with your mental or emotional state daily to ensure that what you’re doing is actually good for you. If you’re doing hot yoga every day but instead of feeling energized and refreshed you feel tired and drained, maybe try to find another approach to meet the physical and mental goals you seek. If you’re eating vegan, but lacking the essential nutrients to keep yourself balanced, you may need to adjust your meals or snacks to meet that goal.
All you need is a journal or even your phone’s Notepad and simply start by asking yourself where you’re at and where you want to be. This can help you with aligning goals, healing traumas, positive thinking patterns, and tracking personal growth.
Also, I think a lot of us - everyone - should check in with an outside source, such as a therapist, even if you feel like you have no traumas or have handled past struggles already. Life itself is traumatic and stressful and affects you deeper than you realize. There is always room for improvement. And who knows, you may find more about yourself that you love or that you want to nurture.
The mindset I cultivate when I focus on the things that help me and make me feel good is one that makes me feel unstoppable, regardless of whatever I’m struggling with. For me, the cuter I look, the better I feel. Anytime I put effort into myself, I always feel more positive and confident. Whether it’s a bubble bath, cute outfit, hairstyle, or taking some extra time to do a few extra skincare steps. Don’t feel like you have to have the latest and greatest tech or treatments in order to be taking care of yourself. The effect is what matters, not how you go about getting it.
To take care of my physical body, I try to stretch daily. I don’t exercise every day, but I don’t feel I need to. Rest days are just as important as the gym days for my body. Everyone has a specific idea of what they want to feel like or look like, and as long as that ideal is not unhealthy or unrealistic, you should seek out ways to achieve that through your physical activity.
The Success of That Girl
Lastly, I want to touch on the productivity or work habits of That Girl. They are always portrayed as successful financially. They are working for a large portion of their day, and are typically seen with an extremely disciplined working routine.
For those with mental illness or any sort of impairment that may affect working in such a “productive” manner, it can be easy to become discouraged at your rate of productivity or success. I know I often beat myself up for not working longer hours or doing more for a project - even when I’ve done an amazing job. Or when there are times I need to lighten my workload due to dealing with mental or chronic illness, I slip into a depressive state of self-loathing for not producing my usual amount.
And also for those working in a less peaceful environment than the work-from-home setting that is typically seen, or making much less compared to the people in these videos, you automatically feel like you’re failing, even though you’re actually succeeding. Working, managing yourself, and growing in your career or education is already a success. It doesn't need to look like someone else's version of success, it needs to reflect your idea of success.
Success looks different for everyone, and as we well know: all jobs are essential to a functioning society. It’s a shame that our idea of success is defined by a very specific idea that few people are actually doing, therefore fair compensation doesn’t always translate to all these job fields.
Stop Trying to Be That Girl, Just Be You
In conclusion, the original idea that birthed the That Girl and Girl Boss is centered on being the best possible version of yourself and how you can make that vision a reality. It’s quite a shame that this idea has been twisted into a small scope of lifestyle that not many relate to.
If we can prune That Girl back to her roots, and grow her anew in personal happiness and genuine health, I think we could all be much happier with That Best Version of us - whether it looks like your Instagram or TikTok feed or your dreams.
In my opinion, if you are genuinely trying to be a better you every day, then you are That Person. If you are actively doing things for yourself, not for the likes you’ll receive, then you’re already creating your best self. Stop trying to be That Girl, or This Girl, and just be You.
Live life like art - beautifully and uniquely!
